


Hero

by redmustang



Category: the GazettE
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-13
Updated: 2013-03-13
Packaged: 2017-12-05 04:19:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/718811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redmustang/pseuds/redmustang
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He never wanted this. All he wanted to do was protect that which is most precious to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hero

_Say, what do you think people think of when they’re about to die?_  
  
  
  
It wasn’t much of a choice for me to leave you behind. Not that I wanted to, of course I wouldn’t, never. But the government promised me, promised us, a better life. We’d get money—benefits when we returned. We’d be heroes. But hell, I didn’t want you there. Not like this. Screw protecting the country from dictatorship. I’ll protect you first before protecting my country.  
  
  
Because without you, this country would mean nothing to me. What would I be fighting for then?  
  
You were always a gentle soul. Strong. But fighting recklessly was never you. In this war of ours, you always tried your best to avoid combat, unless absolutely necessary; in other words, unless it was unavoidable. Many times, you were almost fatally hurt. Luckily, I kept my eyes open. I wish you would never have to experience such a horrible thing; the act of robbing someone of their life. Please always stay as you are. I’ve seen it make other people happy aside from myself.  
  
Remember when we were children? Those days were always filled with innocent laughter and smiles.  
  
You always did have beautiful smile. Don’t be sad, okay? After all, when all of this is over, we’ll be heroes. You even said so yourself, and I strongly stood by those words. I wanted to be your hero.  
  
When we left our home and we came to this scarred land, I knew from here on our lives would change. Not because when we finish this we’ll have a better life. I’ve heard that once people see war, they change—and change for the worse in most cases. That wasn’t the case with us, was it?  
  
That day that changed our lives—I remember it clearly. Of course I do.  
  
I was loading up my artillery, and you were still snoozing against the wall. We had been assigned watch duties all night, so I can understand why you’d be exhausted. Even though we were at war, you looked serene in your sleep.  
  
However, it didn’t last. I had to alert our platoon since the enemy could be seen marching on Hiragawa Hill just 3 kilometers south from the building we had been standing watch on. You were scared. The other side had more men this time, leaving us heavily outnumbered, but I assured you everything would be alright.  
  
After that, everything happened so quickly.  
  
The sound of gunfire was everywhere, and the bombshells raining from the sky had made us temporarily deaf. But we made it through the alleys, and I made sure to keep you safe – to keep you from having to raise your weapon. I’ll dirty my hands for you; your hands are too fragile, too pure to be soiled. I’d rather carry the sin than let your gentle soul bear with it.  
  
I remember seeing you close your eyes, wishing it would all go away. Try as we might, but we were stuck here. And when that had happened, I had to pull you away from that area, because a grenade had been thrown our way. We had barely escaped, although not without having fragments of glass and rock scrape our already sweat slicked, muddy skin.  
  
Thinking back on it... I should have made a turn to the left instead of the right. Little did I know what was waiting for us down that street. I didn’t even hear the tapping of the boots sneaking up behind us, not until the last moment where I pushed you through a doorway so you wouldn’t get caught in the crossfire and avoiding seeing—seeing what I was about to do.  
  
The man that had sneaked up behind us had hatred in his eyes, and shot at me without hesitance. Only two hit me, one in the arm and the other on my knee, but my adrenaline was too high to even feel where I was hit. I ended up sending a bullet through his skull, but as I turned to back to you, I felt someone’s blade slice into my intestines. What was worse was, he twisted the knife—twisted and twisted, though I pushed him back and shot him. He didn’t die in the first round, no, but he fired his weapon multiple times at me before I managed to finally blow through his neck.  
  
By the time you came out, I was struggling to balance on the wall. The one thing I couldn’t handle was the look of despair and fear in your eyes. I smiled at you, hoping it’d ease your fears, “K-... Kou...” fuck, I felt the blood dripping from my mouth. I must’ve looked terrible to you, huh? You ran to me, dropped your weapon and pulled me to lie down. You were tearing up and I felt terrible for making you cry. It might've been stupid to others—but I really did care more about you than I did about myself. I remember you kept repeating, “Don’t go, please—please hold on.”  
  
It was because I was shaking heavily, wasn’t I? It really hurt; both the wounds, and seeing you this sad. It really fucking hurt. I remember lifting my hand to wipe away your tears—god, I could see that I was so fucking pale. I knew then my fate was sealed.  
  
Hey... I love it when you smile. It makes me so happy, you know that? Let me see it, one more time, please? ...Please.  
  
Another grenade blew near us, and I couldn’t hear anything again. It was temporary, yes, but I remember glancing around quickly. I was scared now—how could I possibly protect you like this? I couldn’t stop my trembling, I felt the blood oozing out from my guts—my intestines. I could tell you kept crying out for me to keep conscious because you kept moving your lips in the shape of those words.  
  
After a moment, you had frozen up. I thought maybe an enemy was there, but I was wrong; for when my hearing returned, the sounds of planes could be heard overhead, and the shouts of cheering men could be heard, too. It was then you looked at me and told me we had won, the allies had wiped out the remaining men. “Akira, hey, Akira. It’s over! Don’t close your eyes, okay?”And you gave me a smile. It was the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. I could feel your warm hand holding my bloody hand as you kept repeating your words—and my name.  
  
“Keep s-smiling like th-that...” Try as I might, but my words were just not sounding as strong as they should have. It was hoarse, and full of that iron tasting liquid. That damn liquid was rising through my throat, it was making me choke. Even through all of that, I did my best to give you a smile, a crooked one at that. You once told me that it made you laugh.  
  
And it did again, for you laughed, but with tears in your eyes.  
  
Your kiss was sweet too, I’ll always treasure it.  
  
“I.. I love you, Kouyou—Please... _please_... live your life. If not for you... then for me.” Were my last spoken words before I coughed up more blood. I knew I didn’t have much time. I wish I could stay longer. But no matter how much I forced myself, the blood—my life—pouring out wouldn’t allow it. Your voice echoed over and over in my ears; even though I knew it was time, I gave you my goofy smile. The last thing I saw was your own smile, because I had made you smile with my own. However, as I closed my eyes, I heard you crying out my name “Akira…? A-... Akira…? Quit joking around...! Aki…? Don’t… Don’t go, don’t go!” the warmth of you was enveloping me all around. It felt nice, and I couldn’t feel the wounds anymore—I couldn’t hear you anymore...  
  
 _Say, what do you think people think when they’re about to die?_  
  
Was what you asked me when we had to bury our first corpse when we first joined the platoon. You looked so sad. But I had answered, “They think of the person who’s their other half? And the wonderful memories they shared.” you gave me an unsure smile, but I thought again, “I...They won’t suffer anymore, and they’ll just wait until they can be with their other half again—until then, they’ll watch over them.” You nodded then, and I could tell you felt more assured.  
  
I wasn’t lying, you know.  
  
Even after twelve years, I know we haven’t forgotten each other. Did you know it’s lonely over here without you? Please don’t be sad anymore. Okay? I may not be by your side anymore, but I’m still here with you. In your heart. You’ve grown up into a wonderful man. I see you still wear that necklace I gave you. I’m glad.  
  
Please don’t cry anymore. I… I hope I was everything you needed while I was with you.  
  
You know, these wars we fight, they’re pretty much pointless. We’re all human, aren’t we? I wish it didn’t have to be this way. Knowing more people will experience our loneliness, and the suffering.  
  
Go to people. Open their hearts, just as you’ve opened mine. And guide them away from that path. I should’ve been smarter than to think we would get the life we wanted by choosing this. I only hurt others—I especially hurt you. And no matter how much I wanted to protect you, this was the one thing I couldn’t protect you from.  
  
It’s been twelve years since that day and your smile remains just as beautiful. I love sharing conversations with you, even now, even though I can’t respond to you as I want to. I sit here, watching you, talking to me about your day after you had laid down flowers for me on my grave.  
  
“Say, Aki… you may think I haven’t forgiven you for leaving. But you know, somehow, I know you’re still with me. I feel it.” You smile.  
  
And it tears me up.  
  
“Aki, you were always so strong… thank you; for everything. You're _my_ hero, always have been.”  
  
That was all I needed to finally find some peace within myself.


End file.
